If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out
by EvilEatingSanta
Summary: Max/Jude. Rated R; one section is NC-17 for sexual content. A bunch of little blurbs as pertaining to the tumultuous relationship shared by Jude and Max. Title is from a song by Cat Stevens.


_The rules:  
__1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like._  
_2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle. _  
_3. Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the  
drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!_  
_4. Do ten of these, then post them._

I chose to ignore the second section of rule 3; I kept on writing until I was finished with my section, dammit!

Also, the section **Afternoon Delight - Starlight Vocal Band** is rated _**NC-17**_ for obvious reasons. Just a warning.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the songs, lyrics affiliated with them, or _Across the Universe_ characters.

* * *

**Tears Dry On Their Own – Amy Winehouse**

Jude loved and let go. He never considered himself a romantic, never had to try very much when it came to getting girls. He rarely spent a night alone, and even rarer were the nights spent with the same girl. Molly was comfort; Molly was reassurance that Jude never _would_ have to spend a night alone. She loved him with such fierce intensity that Jude found himself wondering if he would marry her to simply reward her for being so loyal to him. She knew Jude for who he was, and yet she stuck by him.

Jude had never met anyone like her before. He thought she was one of a kind.

And then he met Max, and Jude wasn't so sure about anything anymore. The moment Jude had Max alone, buried somewhere underground, with tons of class A education looming above them, Jude knew he wanted Max. Jude loved girls, but he quickly found himself leaning towards the other man, his tongue licking at his lips nervously, his palms sweaty.

"What're you doing?" Max mumbled, his eyes barely open as he used the wall for support, his body slumped heavily near the bar.

"I… fuck," Jude replied, his head swimming with thoughts of Max and all the things he would love to do to his best friend.

Jude took a chance and pressed into Max, the other boy's breath coming out in a short gasp as Jude pushed their lips together. Jude held firmly onto Max's wrists, pinning him to the wall with his entire body, refusing to let Max go. He grew excited when Max began kissing back, his lips parting against Jude's tongue and only then did Jude allow his defense to fall as he took a step back from Max, expecting the American to follow.

Max grabbed his drink and pushed away from the wall, barely glancing at Jude as he brushed past him. Jude stood staring for an awkward moment, unsure of what had just happened. Jude watched Max's retreating back make its way towards the table.

He walked away.

**Eyes – Rogue Wave**

"Shit," Jude spat, glaring up at the rain that was slowly coming down but getting heavier by the moment. The bus sped up and ran a red light, leaving the Brit to find an alternative route home.

"Jude! Hop in!" Jude's eyes glanced around, confused for a second until he saw his best friend sitting in a taxi at the now-red light, an easy smile on his face. Jude ran into the road after looking to see there was no immediate danger, wrenching the passenger side door to the yellow cab open and sliding inside.

"Thanks, mate," he said, running a hand through damp hair.

"You're very welcome," he laughed, turning his windshield wipers on, "you're just lucky I was in the right place at the right time, man. Thumbing a ride across the country to get to New York City is probably easier than thumbing a ride from Greenwich to East Village. I'll tell ya, this city's a bitch."

"I hadn't noticed," Jude replied dryly, which made Max snort.

Max killed the engine once they returned to the cab driving service station that was located down the road from their apartment. He sighed and sat back in his seat, his eyes glancing across the taxi to meet Jude's, who was caught staring. _Again_.

Jude blushed but couldn't look away, his thoughts burning the memory of Max's eyes into his brain. He hoped he'd never forget the way they reflected his mood, or the way different colored shirts would bring out different aspects, or how when the weather was dreary, like it was now, the usually vibrant blue would take on a grayish undertone. Jude reached across the space in between them and brushed a stray piece of sandy blond hair out of his best friend's face, watching as those eyes blinked once, twice…

Dirty water made small rivers down the sidewalk as Jude steeled himself against the weather, hands shoved deeply in his pockets as he trudged home. He couldn't believe he'd missed the last bus home. _Again_.

A taxi drove by and honked loudly when another car cut it off, and Jude couldn't help but think of Max. Max who was in Vietnam, shooting, killing, murdering; taking part in a war he didn't believe in. Half of the country didn't believe in.

The one thing Jude missed, he discovered, when he found himself reunited with his best friend again, Max's hand bumping against his own as they lay in bed, was in Max's eyes.

**No Rain – Blind Melon**

Jude stared out the window, the rain slowly overtaking the scenery as it started coming down in sheets, drenching everything below the sky. He watched as a small puddle gathered rain on the windowsill, eventually spilling over to join the rain soaked world beneath it. He shivered and pulled a sweater over his head, moving away from the window to join Max in bed.

This had become his life recently; waking up in a bed occupied by another man, leaving the warmth of his bed to stare out the window, draw, read, ultimately making his way back to bed where he slept the better part of his days away. Sadie had asked him if he was depressed.

"Hey," Max muttered and turned over onto his back, reaching forward to wrap his arms around Jude's neck. Jude crawled up until he was practically on top of Max, loving the feel of the smaller man's body underneath his.

"'afternoon," Jude replied, his voice soft as he pressed a kiss gently to Max's lips. They lay there and kissed underneath the blankets as the rain made muffled noises against the windowpane, the world still and silent and calm. "I poured us some tea," Jude mentioned as he broke the kiss, his body warm now as Max pressed his fingers into his chest, rubbing up and over his shoulder.

"In a bit," Max said, smiling as he tugged Jude back into kissing him, "let's escape for a while," he mumbled against Jude's lips, his breath tasting like weed and whiskey. This was all Jude wanted, he realized, as Max's hands wandered over his bare skin, his sweater once again tossed aside.  
It wasn't sane.

**Will You Come And Fetch Me? – Of Montreal**

Max took a step and immediately fell onto his ass, surprised laughter soon following as Jude moved to stand in front of his best friend. Max decided he'd had too much to drink, and smoke, and whatever else he'd done, he couldn't remember, probably nothing bad, Jude would never let him do something too bad… Of course, Jude had allowed Max to sleep with him, and that probably wasn't the best idea. Especially since, a month later, they still hadn't stopped pursuing a possibly self-destructive, creepily addictive relationship that hadn't been called for what it was yet, but they had time.

"D'you need help up?" Jude asked, offering his hands for Max to grab hold of, which he did so promptly.

"Please and thanks," he grumbled, hating that he always ended up wasted. The mood didn't last long as he was whisked away into their bedroom, and he vaguely registered that Jude's lips were on his ear, and his clothes had disappeared, and he really liked these implications and where this was headed.

Max slowed things down, holding onto his boxers, which were the thin barrier between Jude's ravenous sex drive and Max's liquor-drowned brain.

"Will you come and get me?" Max asked, holding Jude's hands to chest-level as the other man stared at him, confused and out of breath.

"Will I come and fetch you?" he parroted, lowering the both of them to the bed, "how do you mean?"

"If…" and Max felt that ever present darkness slowly slide and lock into place in his brain, the looming fact that he'd just been drafted taking the alcohol's place, effectively ruining his mood, "If this nightmare can't be stopped…" Max was at the brink, and he knew he could no longer ignore the rapidly approaching date.

"I'll find you," Jude replied, and their conversation didn't make sense, and they were both still drunk but for some reason Max felt a little better. Max pulled Jude on top of him, hiding, maybe, but now tucking the darkness back into its place in his brain where he wouldn't have to think about it for another few weeks.

Jude's dark eyes met his, and just before Max kissed him Jude told him, "you have butterflies in your eyes." Max stopped.

"What is this, _Catch-22_?"Not yet.

Jude chuckled and shook his head, dismissing the offhand comment as he pulled the other man back to himself. Max's eyes slid shut as Jude finally kissed him, letting his worries wash away as he relaxed against the other man's touch.

**Silver Lining – Rilo Kiley**

Jude sank into the couch, fingers drumming against the armrest as he prepared himself to wait in Limbo until Max eventually wandered home. Jude could barely contain his excitement, though he felt somewhat wicked that he was excited. He had just broken Lucy's heart, after all.

Jude and Max had started something before Lucy ever joined the picture, and as much as it killed both boys they tried to push aside what they had for Lucy's sake. Jude hadn't known what he wanted back then, wasn't sure what he was accomplishing by sleeping with both Max and his sister. Not much, it turned out, and he only managed to hurt Lucy and Max at the same time.

It only took him four months after Max got back from Vietnam to realize that it was killing him to sneak around in the dark with Max when what he really wanted was to be able to touch, kiss and hug him openly. Only four months to realize what a huge mistake he was making. Four short months to admit to himself that he definitely wanted Max to stop being a guilty pleasure and to instead become what their fucked up relationship was moving towards the whole time.

Before Max got shipped off to war, to possible death, neither of them had stopped to think about what they were doing. It was insane, crazy, and probably no good for either of them. They couldn't stop. And when Max got that letter, they had, through silent agreement, decided to continue ignoring what they couldn't control. Max had left, and Jude had Lucy.

Now, though, things had changed. Max was back, and he was all Jude wanted. All Jude needed.

"Finally!" Jude sighed, feigning exasperation as the other man walked through the door.

"What? I told you I wouldn't be home until now!" Max laughed, tossing his jacket onto the nearest chair and falling onto the couch next to Jude.

"I know. I'm just impatient, is all," Jude grinned, smoothing down a piece of his hair.

"No, really?" Max replied, rolling his eyes at the other man.

"Listen," Jude started, turning serious as he locked eyes with Max, who, for his part, was now curiously examining the way Jude's eyebrows were knitted together, "I, uh. I don't exactly know how to say this, so I'll just go for it. I broke up with Lucy."

"For real? Or is this another one of those break-ups where I'll be consoling a tearful sister until three in the morning until you eventually wander in and apologize, 'cause I'm tellin' you, man…" Max rambled, trying to turn the situation into a joke.

"I'm serious, Max," Jude stated firmly, pulling one leg up onto the couch and turning sideways, "I broke up with Lucy because… I… I think what we have could work."

"What, you mean a 'relationship'?" Max asked, air quoting the world "relationship" before he sat back, his eyebrow quirked up.

"Sure, why not? Crazier things have happened, yeah?" Jude countered, ending with a breathless laugh. Max ran what Jude said over in his brain for a moment before he looked back up to Jude, a smirk on his lips.

"Alright."

"Yeah?" Jude asked, disbelieving that Max could be okay with him having broken up with his sister so quickly.

"Yeah, sure, what the hell," he grinned, sliding across the couch until he was sitting closely next to Jude, pressing into him, "let's give it a shot."

Jude reached out and grabbed Max to him, folding him into a tight hug before he pulled back. Both men were grinning stupidly, excitement making their breaths come in short gasps as Jude pulled Max into his lap. Max threaded his fingers through Jude's hair before leaning down to capture his lips in a gentle kiss that quickly gave way to tongue, teeth and breathless moans.

So far, Jude loved being in a "relationship" with Max.

**Afternoon Delight – Starlight Vocal Band**

Things had been going well for Max lately. His parents had finally stopped calling him every day to yell at him for skipping out on them in the middle of the night, he had gotten a job driving taxi, he'd found a reasonable dealer, and, perhaps best of all, he was responsibility-free for the first time in his entire life. Well, except for the whole job part. Rules still applied there. But even so, Max was sure that he'd never been happier.

It was a sunny afternoon in early March, not quite warm but certainly not cold, when Max realized he was sober for the first time in six days running. He had just decided to celebrate when Jude walked through the door.

"There you are!" Max exclaimed, hopping up from his seat on the table in the kitchen, "Just the man I wanted to see."

"Oh yeah? And why's that?" Jude chuckled, setting a bag of groceries where Max had previously been perched.

"It's always nice to see the person I've been fucking for the past few weeks. Though, I will admit, the clothes do throw me a bit…" Max smirked when Jude smacked him lightly on the back of the head before the American grabbed Jude and pulled him into a kiss, his fingers digging into the Brit's light spring jacket. Jude let his hand fall away from where he'd been about to put the coffee away and instead wrapped his arms around the other man, returning the kiss eagerly.

"And what was that for?" Jude asked, smiling when Max broke away for air, his cheeks flushed.

"We're celebrating." Max took a few steps to the nearest cupboard and, standing on tiptoes, grabbed a bottle off of the highest shelf. "Today is the first time I've been sober in six days."

"Bravo," Jude mumbled sarcastically, smirking when he caught glimpse of the bottle, "and we're celebrating with champagne, are we?"

"No," Max corrected, ripping the tin foil off of the top, "Jude, please. I am a classy man. We're celebrating with celebratory sparkling apple juice."

"Yum." Max glanced over to Jude, pleased with the way the other man was looking at him when he said that. Good, because that was part two of his celebration plans.

Max handed Jude a glass of the bubbly juice, clinking glasses with him before downing his entire portion in one gulp. Jude raised his eyebrows at his best friend, wondering if perhaps he had forgotten it wasn't alcoholic.

"Slow down there, Max, or you'll end up doing something you'll regret in the mornin'…" Jude joked, chuckling as he took a sip of his own juice.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure we won't regret it," Max replied, setting his cup down on the counter. Jude barely had enough time to set his glass back down on the counter before Max had managed to get him out of his jacket, tugging the other man by the collar of his shirt until he followed.

"Max, it's the middle of the afternoon…" Jude protested, though by the way he moved his hands to grip Max's hips, pulling the American close as he pressed his lips to the side of Max's neck belied him.

"Whoever said that sex had to be saved for the end of the day? Where did that misguided notion come from?" Max posed these questions as he walked backwards towards the table, swiveling his hips slightly as he continued tugging Jude towards him, the other man following, his eyes fixated on Max. "It's warmer, it's bright out and I look my best in the afternoon. Night is overrated."

"I see your point," Jude agreed, and Max couldn't help but smirk.

"I knew you would."

Max switched places with Jude so that the Brit was pressed against the table, letting his hands drift across Jude's lower stomach until he placed them on the table on either side of him. Max pressed his lips to Jude's and soon fell into a comfortable way of kissing the other man, growing bolder as he slid his hands underneath Jude's shirt, bringing them to the small of his back.

"Up," Max breathed, rocking his hips forward into Jude's as he moved his mouth to the Brit's jaw, pressing opened mouthed kisses down until he got to his ear. Jude complied quickly to Max's demands, hopping up onto the table behind him before he pulled Max to the space in between his legs, groaning when the other man placed his hand on the inside of his thigh, squeezing tightly.

Max pulled Jude's shirt up and over his head in one quick motion, roughly pulling Jude's mouth back to his, lips parting and tongues sliding and teeth biting, and Max wondered if he always got this heady feeling around Jude, or if this was a recent installation.

Jude brought Max back from his thoughts with a heavy moan, and Max realized he'd been unconsciously rubbing and pressing his fingers closer and closer to the tightness in the other man's jeans. He almost felt like apologizing for being a cock tease but instead pushed Jude onto his back and climbed on top of him.

Max began kissing his way down Jude's chest, finding to his surprise that fucking in the afternoon was a helluva lot of fun. But then again, he could be biased.

"Fuck, _Max_," Jude groaned as Max's tongue swirled down his stomach towards his navel, the other man's response being to nip at his hipbone. Max's fingers worked to unbutton Jude's jeans, his fingers curling underneath the waistband of his jeans and boxers once he's finished. Jude lifted his hips off of the table as Max pulled his boxers and jeans down, the Brit's fingers gripping the edge.

"Hurry the _fuck_ up, Max," Jude snapped, nearing the brink. Max crawled back up the table and kissed Jude's lips lightly, amused.

"You got it," he mumbled before he continued with what he was doing, dragging his fingers back down to Jude's hips as he went down. Jude moaned heatedly as Max took him in his mouth, his eyes squeezing shut as soon as he felt Max's lips and tongue. The American certainly knew what he was doing as he started up a rhythm, his tongue sliding and pressing against Jude and driving him crazy.

Max's hands slid up and down Jude's thighs, moaning when the other man's fingers thread through his hair, twining and tangling until Jude was guiding Max, his toes curling and his back arching.

Max managed to pull away with his mouth and, stroking and touching, bring the other man to completion with a moan. Jude's breathing filled the apartment as he lay on his back, his eyes shut lightly, his lips parted.

The American crawled back up onto the table while Jude caught his breath, lying next to him, their arms touching.

"Well," Jude gasped, reaching over to press a hand against the side of Max's face, "that seemed quite unfair, yeah?"

"Yeah, and why's that?" Max grinned, pressing himself into Jude.

"I mean," Jude murmured, pressing a kiss to the other man's cheek, "we _are _celebrating you tonight, aren't we?"

**Even An Ugly Man – Hawksley Workman**

After Max returned from Vietnam there were a lot of changes. He drank a lot more, and not for fun. He slept a lot more, and not because he was tired. Lucy and Jude worried for him; everyone did. Max rented an apartment by himself as soon as he got out of the hospital, picking up his old job as a taxi driver easily enough. His life was similar to how it was before he left it to go fight in the War.

He was alone tonight, whiskey in hand, as he sat in an armchair staring at nothing in particular, seeing nothing in particular. He did that sometimes still, and even though it was happening less and less it still happened. He forgot where he was, he forgot what he was supposed to be doing and just fell.

The thing that took him by surprise the most was that he couldn't bear to look at his reflection in the mirror anymore. He did his best to avoid the small one hanging above the sink, and quickly gave up shaving, just barely managing to bring himself to shave the unkempt hair into a moustache. And even that was an uphill struggle.

He didn't know why, and he didn't try to make sense of it. He was ugly, he was terrible to look at. He wondered if this was a common side-effect to having been a soldier in a war, having seen 'action', which is what they call it. He didn't think so.

But then again, Max had never been normal.

Jude sat with him sometimes, and Lucy did, too. They helped him remember the date, to wash and to eat. They helped him take care of himself. He didn't need them to, he denied that he was that far gone, he could take care of himself.

"Max, I think you've had enough," a British accent said, cutting through the silence. Max jumped.

"Jesus, how long have you been here?" he asked, knowing that Jude hadn't been there five minutes ago.

"A half hour, probably," Jude replied, and that freaked Max out.

The Silence ensued. The one that kept Max company when he didn't have company, the Silence that kept him company even when he did. It followed him everywhere, and he didn't run from it. Not anymore. Silence was a nice change, he decided, from what it had been back then.

"I must have whispered your name a thousand times," Max confessed, unaware that he'd said anything at all.

And then Jude was there, surrounding, pressing, hugging, crushing Max and pulling him up. And then Jude's lips were on his and he was kissing back and he didn't want to stop, neither of them did.

_What loving won't fix tonight_, Max thought, Jude's hot breath mingling with his, his heart pounding in his chest, _the whiskey certainly might_.

**Shooting Star – Elliott Smith**

Jude decided that night that Max was like a shooting star; you didn't see them often, but when you did you were overcome by their beauty and didn't have a say as to whether or not you slept with them even if you _were_ upset with this particular shooting star right now. Jude realized his analogy was faulty.

After all, you can't have sex with a star.

Max was still gone, and he'd gone to fuck some trophy boy he met at the bar. This didn't make sense to Jude because Max knew he had a perfectly willing partner whenever he wanted to have sex, and he was always up for sex, but for some reason he still left. What further upset Jude was the fact that he was as upset by this as he currently was. They weren't _dating_ or anything, but… At one point, it almost felt like they had been. But then Max started leaving, and Jude started sleeping to try and find square one.

Jude was making more connections with his analogy (distant, cold, and a sight to behold…) while trying to fall asleep when Max eventually wandered in, his feet hitting the floor heavily. The other man fell into bed next to Jude, heaving a sigh as his head hit the pillow.

"Whoa, Jude, is that you?" Max asked because he hadn't noticed the other form in the bed until now.

"'course it's me," Jude replied, shrugging the blankets up and over his shoulders.

"Thank God," Max continued because he never could take a hint, "I was hoping you'd be here… I didn't see you in the living room, so I figured you'd left."

"Nope."

Jude couldn't help but get caught up in it, and Max, sensing Jude's mood, guided the other man so that he was on top of him. Jude was in control, and Max would do anything to keep him there.

Jude kissed Max, and it made him lose his breath, and he wondered if he'd have bruises the next day but it didn't matter because Jude was still there and touching him and fucking him, and Max didn't care if the sex was rough or not so long as it didn't stop.

Jude decided that night that Max's love was sad. He told the other man as much, and Max got up and left.

So bad, so far.

**Nothingsevergonnastandinmyway (Again) – Wilco**

Max and Jude always had their reasons. First they couldn't because they were friends. Then it was Lucy's fault, and then the war that took Max hundreds of thousands of miles away. And when the soldier came home, then it was all about Max and there was no time for Jude anymore.

It had been two years since Max returned to New York, two years and the fighting had stopped, and the draft had ended and everything slowly slipped back into place. Lucy had left last year to pursue college because she grew tired of living from paycheck to paycheck. She wrote sometimes, and phoned less and less, but neither of those things bothered Jude. He enjoyed hearing from her when he did, but lately he had been focusing his energy on her older brother.

Time had done wonders for Max and had erased most of what Jude could not, but there were still times when Jude was reminded of that Other Max, the Max who Lucy and Jude had problems recognizing, who was despondent and sad and everything Jude hated. The Other Max who nobody could have expected to return from Vietnam. They'd heard of shell shock, but they couldn't have prepared.

Things were almost back to what they had been before, and Jude decided that apathy had played too large of a part in his relationship with Max. Jude wanted Max, had always wanted Max, but now there was nothing, no reason, for them to stay friends. Jude was pretty sure Max felt the same way, and while the old Max would have plainly stated his feelings, the new Max was a little more timid, worried.

After all, if Max confessed to Jude everything and Jude left, and it wasn't likely but Christ the thought of Jude leaving was enough to stop Max from opening his mouth.

Jude found Max flipping distractedly through an old magazine, not really reading it but pausing every so often to stare at a photo. The Brit pulled the magazine out of Max's hands, surprising the other man but his shock at having his reading material torn away from him was nothing compared to what he felt when Jude leaned down and quickly pressed their lips together.

A kiss was all they needed.

Jude straightened, his face flushed as he stared down at the American, whose blue eyes were wide and clear. A few seconds passed before Jude offered the magazine back to Max, but the other man pushed it aside as he got to his feet.

Jude grabbed Max tightly to him, their bodies fitting together as Max kissed him gently.

"Jude, you might…" and then Max was pulling away just slightly, just enough to talk when all Jude wanted was for his best friend's soft lips to be against his again, his hand threading through dark hair, "I'm a ticking time bomb, man. You never know when I might snap." A chuckle. "You sure you want to get involved with a soon-to-be certifiable nutcase? It might not work out quite like you'd intended…"

"We'll find a way," and that seemed like a good enough answer.

**Once Around the Block – Badly Drawn Boy**

Jude was fascinated by Max. The way he laughed, talked, smiled, moved. The way he watched after making a snide comment or joke, waiting to see how it would be received. The way he could so easily mesh the line of best friend and something more, the way he kissed and touched, pushing and pulling. Jude was infatuated by his voice, his eyes, his lips, his nose. The way his body felt against his drawing steady, even breaths.

Max was energy and Jude was along for the ride, loving every minute of it.

"Let's go for a walk," Max said, and it wasn't a question. Jude stood up and followed Max out, unable to keep a smile off of his face as he watched the other man take light steps down the busy New York City sidewalk. Max balanced on the curb, faltering slightly, and Jude steadied him before grabbing the other man up in a tight hug.

As soon as he was free, Max jogged a little ways ahead of Jude, always ahead, but slowed down soon enough until they were side by side again. Jude looked over when he felt Max's hand on his arm, and followed down an alley to their left that led to another alley. Max had Jude pinned against a wall in no time and, after pressing more than a few breathless kisses to his mouth, led the other man around another corner.

"Do you know where you're going?" but Jude didn't care, or didn't want to know. He was content with following Max, especially when the other man leaned against a wall, his eyes moving over Jude until the Brit was forced to press himself to Max, his hands sliding underneath his t-shirt, up to his chest, kissing and biting and moaning until, with an unsatisfied sound, Max pulled away.

They turned another corner, haphazardly, it seemed, and it was a maze or a labyrinth. Jude chastised himself for forgetting his string or bread crumbs. He didn't know if they'd ever find a way out.

"Have faith, man," Max laughed, and then the sun was on them again as they stepped out onto the sidewalk in front of their apartment, "I just wanted to go once around the block."

Jude sighed and shook his head, a smile on his lips as he asked what the point of taking a walk was if they ended up at the same place they started.

"Take a left, a sharp left, and another left," Max replied, eyes shining, "meet me on the corner and we'll start again."

* * *

Thanks for putting up with the randomness! I hope you enjoyed. :-)


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